dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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