My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
