so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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