Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
