moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
