Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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