this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
