everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
