It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
