one two three fourrrrnication!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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