i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Edward fifth and chaser hands
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
