we have officially lost it.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
