I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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