East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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