A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just high enough for therapy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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