We're like a lot better than the average bears
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
