I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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