i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
