the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
