I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
