Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
