he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
