A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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