At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
