I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
