32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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