i permit you to call me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
