Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
