Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
