My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
