He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
