I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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