Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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