My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
