and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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