so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
