She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
