A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
