nut hugger
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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