I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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