So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
