he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
