ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
