exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
