I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
