I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
