Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
