Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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