some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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