at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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