I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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