Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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