didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
