smell my finger.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
