halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
