if you like me you must not know who I am
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
